"The Road Trip That Took a Turn"“What’s up little girl?”
“It’s not fair! How come everybody else gets to eat goodies and I don’t?”
“Oh, you mean the doughnut thing yesterday?”
“Yeah, I’m mad! I wanted one and I didn’t get one. Jan got two.”
Together we rehashed the reasons behind Nelly’s disappointment. It seems the fact that Jan got two doughnuts and was very overweight made Nelly think because she wasn’t as big; she should have been able to have one. We ended up working out a way to handle all the food situations she didn’t think were fair, (a frequent problem in the beginning). I’ll tell you all about it in a minute.
Right now, let’s go back to the day before for a closer look. We were visiting friends and business associates for four days, and Nelly and I had had 14 weeks of sensible eating under our (smaller) belt. When Terry and I walked into the lobby of their establishment, we were greeted by several acquaintances. Jan, the business owner’s daughter smiled at us, and with a doughnut in her hand, she motioned us in. Nelly wanted one! Her eyes quickly scanned every table and desktop and spied the pink bakery box with the window in the top.
‘No,’ I said.
She wanted a closer look.
‘Okay, but just a look!’ While proceeding with the obligatory conversations that separate the civilized from the barbaric, I chatted and preoccupied my way closer to the box, giving very little attention to the business at hand. The lid was closed, but I let Nelly see through the smudged cellophane to the luscious selection of some of her favorite decadences; chocolate-covered glazed doughnuts being her choice for her last supper on death row (if we’re ever falsely-accused and convicted). In the course of the morning’s events, Nelly insisted on at least six drive-bys of the greasy, pastel carton. She relished several delectable whiffs of the bakery goods inside. Alas, in the end, the ONLY reason we didn’t get a doughnut was because no one offered us one and our manners over-rode our desire.
Remembering what happened the day before, I knew Nelly and I needed to have a serious discussion. So I said, “Okay little one, let’s talk about this. Tell me how you feel. Get it off your chest.”
“It’s not fair that Terry can eat three to four times more than we can and not gain an ounce! It’s not fair that I don’t get to eat what and how much I want anytime I want it! It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!”
“No Nelly it’s not fair. In fact life isn’t fair, but it’s free! We didn’t have to pay or do anything to get here and now that we’re here, we have to find our own way to be happy with how we are right now. Since we’re on the subject, the amount we eat. . .”
“It’s not fair.”
‘No, but guess what?’
“What?”
“Think about something you do get enough of.”
“What.”
“Well, water for one thing.”
“Water? I don’t even like water very much.”
“That’s because you can have all of it you want so it isn’t special. If it were special, like in Africa, you would love water and you would think it wasn’t fair that somebody got some water and you didn’t. You’d think about water all the time the way you think about food now. What else can you think of that you get all you want of?”
“I don’t know. Nothin’.”
“What about air?”
“What air?”
“See you get all the air you’ll ever need and with every breath you are breathing you don’t think one thing about it. Do you know if I held my breath you’d be the first one to rant and rave and turn blue, just to get me to breathe? Talk about fair! You’d be whining and crying until I took in some of this beautiful, free, fresh air.”
“Yeah, but air doesn’t taste good.”
“Well since you brought up the subject, taste is a free gift we’ve been given, too. If we didn’t have a sense of taste, we wouldn’t care what we ate. Would you like to give up your sense of taste?”
“No.”
“Okay, let’s be thankful we can taste and smell. Remember our KISS!”
“Yep! I remember! KISS: Keep It Special, Sweety!”
KISS! Keep It Special Sweety! When we are dealing with food, if we keep the foods that we love ‘special’ and enjoy them occasionally (I mean occasionally), we’ll live a lighter life and we’ll be happier.
Once I fully understood where my discontent came from, I was ready to work with Nelly to resolve it and make her happy. I told her how proud I was that she has such good manners and that it saved us from the doughnut. Because I was counting calories at that time, I went to an online calorie counter and typed in doughnut. It was 250 calories, but if I knew then what I know now I would have gone to a carb-counter. A chocolate, glazed doughnut from Dunkin Donuts is 33 grams of carbohydrates. Back then, I asked Nelly, how she would like it if we started keeping track of the calories that we DIDN’T eat so when we turned something down she’d get credit for it.
When I started my new low carb lifestyle, I started keeping track of carbs instead of calories
I bought a small, spiral notebook for Nelly, and now keep track of the carbohydrates she DOESN’T eat. She loves the book and calls it her ‘Good Girl’ Book.
As you develop a relationship with your little one you’ll be able to solve problems that would have remained unconscious. Before I met Nelly I would never have questioned why I was still bummed over not getting a doughnut. Here’s an email I want to share from another on-line friend who got to the bottom of an issue because of her close relationship with her inner child.
I was so proud of Sue’s ability to see the truth behind wanting the doughnut. Often when we just take the time to sit with a craving for a few minutes it passes into the nothingness from whence it came. If it doesn’t, that means it’s time for some fat; mayonnaise, butter, sour cream, avocado or some other food high in fat.
Sue also shared with me early on, “I tell Julianne she can have anything she wants. . . tomorrow. She seems to be satisfied to wait and invariably she’s forgotten about it the next day.”
The Bakery Box challenge changed how I handle the ‘it’s not fair’ issue some of us have to deal with.
I’ve really given this issue of it’s not fair a lot of deep thought and I think the only way we can come to the conclusion that something is not fair is when we compare ourselves to others. The sooner we stop that, the better. I’ve written more about the trap of making comparisons in Chapter Nine: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot.
Here is another road trip I’d like to share with you. It came from one of my lovable members of my Make it Fun Club. It almost reads like news from the front lines of a battlefield.
I went 200 miles north this week for three days to take care of some business and visit my daughter and best friend. I am so glad Kay (the name for my inner child) and I had started vocalizing. Even better, I’ve learned to hear her and tell her, “NO.”
I ate what I believed to be a filling breakfast before leaving the house for my road trip. My inner child and my 12-year-old son ganged up on me and tried REALLY hard to convince me that we were starved and should stop and eat.
"McDonald's coming up!"
“We've only been on the road an hour; it's only been a few hours since we had breakfast.”
"But it's McDonald's and WE ARE STARVING!"
“No we are not, this is habit hunger. Road trip = eating.”
"Hey! SUBWAY ."
“No.”
"DAN'S FAMILY RESTAURANT."
“No.”
"CRACKER BARREL."
“No.”
"BUT WE LOVE CRACKER BARREL!"
“No.”
"BUT WE ALWAYS EAT AT A CRACKER BARREL ON A ROAD TRIP AND I AM HUNGRY!”
“No.”
Oh, it wasn't easy. I finally made a deal with myself, my inner child, and my child.
“We will eat when we get to Joliet. It will be four hours since we had breakfast by the time we get food in Joliet.”
"BUT THERE'S FOOD NOW"
“There's no White Castle. We are having White Castle.”
Okay so it wasn't the best thing to pick but it was the only place to eat where there were none of them until we hit Joliet. It worked! We made it to White Castle without too much whining from either of the two children.
-Karen and Kay.
Karen has learned that travel is tricky and the fast food business has figured out they have a real influence on our travelling minds. Those 60 foot road signs beckoning you to Burger King aren’t cheap. They know us better than we know ourselves. . . until we wake-up and realize what’s going on. If Karen would have packed some vegetable snacks and a cooler with hard boiled eggs and slices of turkey, beef or chicken and some mayonnaise for the trip, her “kids” would not have even noticed the signs and the habit of travel-hunger would have been doused with good food.
Don’t let your next road trip or party cause you to take a turn. In chapter seven I’ll tell you my experiences eating out in restaurants and give you some ideas for staying on your program which will also help you with road trips and parties.
Assignment for Chapter Six:
Print out four Weekly Progress Reports for a month. Start today (even if it’s not Monday) and begin using the report! You will be hooked once you do.
Start a Good Girl Notebook and become aware of the foods high in carbs that you pass up so you can give your inner child her credit due.
Look for ways you are beginning to see with new eyes.
